Fletcher’s research found that, while successful women have many things in common, one thing stands out: Not one of them thinks they are “victims” because they’re not members of “the boys’ club.” They’re disrupters who realize that “business” needs to be played like a game where they make up their rules — which consider conscious and unconscious bias. When they’re making their rules, they look inward to define what success looks like based upon their self-defined purpose.
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“disrupters — Success Strategies from Women Who Broke the Mold” by Patti Fletcher (Entrepreneur Press, $21.99).
Fletcher’s research found that, while successful women have many things in common, one thing stands out: Not one of them thinks they are “victims” because they’re not members of “the boys’ club.” They’re disrupters who realize that “business” needs to be played like a game where they make up their rules — which consider conscious and unconscious bias. When they’re making their rules, they look inward to define what success looks like based upon their self-defined purpose.
They also don’t “man up” by trying to mimic male counterparts. Nor do they “do what they’re supposed to do” or use “I’ll show them” as motivation. Disrupters make themselves shine by demonstrating that gender has nothing to do with talent, skill and creativity.
Example: My friend Erin Lindsey has a Ph.D. in biochemistry. She began her career teaching at a university. She quickly decided that she wanted to “do what she was teaching.” She took a biochemist job in the corporate world; her self-determined path led into developing cardiac surgery devices. Her 130-plus patents showed that she outperformed her colleagues; she became the chief technology officer of a medical-device subsidiary of 3M. Semi-retired now, Lindsey consults with med-tech firms and university research teams. The chapters tell the stories of many can-do women like my friend.
Disrupters seek work-life flexibility not work-life balance. Fletcher makes personal and professional choices based upon her day-to-day priorities. She states, “I live my life, pursue my goals, and find a way to weave what I need and want to do around each other.”
Disrupters are make-it-happen women. They don’t question their competence when presented with an opportunity. They “take the job and figure it out as they go.” They play to their strengths and use those of others to develop collaborative teams.
Excellent advice: If the company for which you work shows that it only pays lip service to gender equity, it’s time to look for one that values your talent.
• • •
“Listen Up or Lose Out: How to Avoid Miscommunication, Improve Relationships and Get More Done Faster” by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton” (AMACOM, $19.95).
After reading Chapter 6, “Identifying Your Listening Missteps,” I have two words — “I’m guilty.” I suspect that many others are, too. So, let’s look at the three most common missteps, which are all framed around “speaking too soon, too emphatically, and or habitually”:
“Disagreeing/Agreeing” — Whether you agree or disagree, don’t evaluate what’s being said until the speaker finishes. By interrupting, the listener turns off “ears” and won’t fully understand what else the speaker is saying. Or worse yet, the speaker will stop speaking and his/her information will be incomplete.
Also, who hasn’t said, “yes, but … ” even though it means “no”? Use “yes, and … ” to extend conversations.
“Criticizing” — How do you react when someone criticizes your ideas? If you’re like most, the self-defense mechanism kicks in and listening shuts down. Isn’t learning when we’re wrong beneficial? Not exactly; there’s a difference learning what’s wrong and being told you’re wrong. Even if the points are valid, being told what’s wrong belittles and deflates self-confidence. A “Let’s figure out what happened” approach (tied to “Questioning” below) works best.
“Questioning” — We’ve been taught that asking questions encourages conversation because questions show an interest in what the speaker says.
The downside: “Questions tend to steer the conversation in the direction the questioner thinks is best.” Care must be taken to ask the right questions. The authors advocate open-ended questions to draw out information. That said, the author cautions against the use of “Why?” questions because they usually trigger the self-defense mechanism. Substitute “What”.
Example: “Why did you do this?” becomes “What factors led to your decision?”
Takeaway: Active listening includes knowing when and how to respond to a speaker.
