“The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs” by Marcia Reynolds (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, $18.95).
Even when tactfully delivering difficult messages, the recipient often doesn’t hear the constructive part of the criticism. Instead, defensive emotion kicks in and s/he mentally prepares for a rebuttal and/or turns off the ears. The message doesn’t get through, and the sender wonders “What do I have to do to get through?” Reynolds provides the answer: DREAM.
DREAMing starts with a sender’s let’s-talk perspective that seeks input and information, rather than telling someone what’s wrong. This coaching approach creates a two-sided conversation because the recipient feels respected. Now let’s delve into the the DREAM conversation:
“D = Determine what the person wants as a desired outcome of the conversation.” This involves getting the other to define what the future looks like. With that as a cue, both of you can develop a make-it-happen plan – and your role in it.
“R = Reflect on the experiences, beliefs and emotions expressed.” There are two sides to every story; you need to listen closely to her/his story. Listening allows you to distinguish between assumptions and beliefs, and identify areas of frustration.
“E = Explore possible sources of blind spots and resistance.” Based upon what you’re told, probe to find out the reasoning behind the “R”. Your questions should get her/him thinking about the situation without triggering the defensive emotion. Don’t worry about long pauses between question and response. A pause indicates thinking.
“A = Acknowledge the emerging awareness.” Have the other person clearly articulate what has been learned during the conversation and key takeaways. This reinforces their new perspective.
“M = Make sure there’s a plan or commitment for what’s next.” Go back to the make-it-happen plan and begin fleshing it out – and how both of you will measure progress and outcomes. Let the person recap the plan’s steps because it reinforces their role in the process.
Key takeaway: While DREAM may seem like a sequenced format, it’s fluid, not linear. DREAM depends upon your ability to engage the other without your biases coloring the conversation.
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“Rookie Smarts: Why Learning Beats Knowing in the New Game of Work” by Liz Wiseman (HarperCollins Publishers, $28.99).
We too often think of rookies as those who don’t know how things are done and have yet to pay their dues. Based upon 400 workplace scenarios, Wiseman discovered that four mindset modes used by rookies (i.e. doing something for the first time) actually allow them to “operate with higher levels of self-awareness and move faster than their experienced counterparts. Here are the modes from which those with experience can recover their rookie smarts:
Backpacker – The rookie’s backpack isn’t weighed down by the baggage of years of experience. Because they don’t know what they don’t know, they fill their backpacks with new ideas and lots of questions about so-called best practices. They see themselves as trailblazers, not caretakers.
Hunter-Gatherer – Those with experience tend to be congruent thinkers who hear, and find safety in, the echoes of their thoughts, beliefs and actions in meetings and discussions. Rookies seek out experts to help them see the blind spots and identify resources.
Firewalker – Rookies take small, quick steps and seek feedback to boost confidence in their approach – and the outcome. This process allows them to quickly adapt to changing situations. They intuitively know that taking giant steps won’t uncover holes in the process/plan.
Pioneer – Once they have some experience, rookies push the boundaries of their comfort zone. They understand that’s there’s always more to learn and discover new ways to apply their knowledge.
Epictetus, the Greek philosopher, offered this bit of advice: “It’s impossible to begin to learn what one thinks one already knows.” Those with experience should heed this message and employ rookie smarts when taking on new challenges.
Jim Pawlak is a nationally syndicated book reviewer.
