There are plenty of things to worry about these days: your job, your 401(k), your kids’ education, your mortgage. Does worrying really help with any of them?
Worrying can be a productive way to stave off problems, but it also can make the original problem seem even worse. Here’s an exercise recommended by Robert L. Leahy, director of The American Institute for Cognitive Therapy, which can help you understand the difference between productive and unproductive worry:
Imagine that you are on trial and facing 20 years in prison. You’ve hired a lawyer, and she leans over and says, “Don’t worry. I never do. I never worry about a thing. Instead, I just try to think positively.”
Now ask yourself: “Is this the person I want representing me? Someone who doesn’t worry about anything — not even what’s going to happen to her client?”
The answer, of course, is a resounding no. You want a lawyer who’s going to worry over details — cover everything that needs to be covered, so you don’t end up in prison for 20 years, Leahy says.
Now imagine a lawyer who leans over and whispers to you, “Wanna know my secret? I never prepare for a case — I just worry. It’s why I’m known as such a great attorney. All I do is worry. As a matter of fact, a lot of times I actually worry myself sick and have to go into the restroom and throw up.”
Have Perspective
Do you want this person representing you? Again, the answer is no. What you want is an attorney who can help you solve your problems. And that’s exactly what your worry should do for you, says Leahy: help you solve your problems. If it doesn’t, you’re probably participating in unproductive worry, which is unlikely to get you anywhere, except on your way to becoming overly anxious and possibly depressed.
Leahy recommends asking these two questions to keep worry in perspective:
1. Is the problem plausible or reasonable? If you’re getting ready to take a trip to a national park, for instance, it’s appropriate to worry about getting accurate directions and your car tuned up before you go. Worrying about being shot by a sniper along the way, which is unlikely, is probably a waste of time.
2. Can something be done about the problem immediately? If you answer yes to this question, then you can probably come up with an action plan to get something done that will alleviate your worry. To continue the previous example: Can you log on the Internet and get directions? Can you get an appointment with a mechanic? As for the sniper, unless you can afford a new bulletproof car and a wardrobe of armor, forget about it.
My good friend Lou Holtz has a sign in his office that reads: “The time to worry is before you place your bet, not after they spin the wheel.”
Lou, one of the most successful college football coaches in the last few decades, was known for his well-prepared teams and his demanding practices. He is not known for being a worry wart. Worrying didn’t help him put points on the board. Like every good coach, Lou knew that sometimes the ball just takes a bad bounce.
Think Positive
Let me share some very simple strategies for dealing with worries that are really beyond your control. Think positive! Take a walk. Turn off the news. Read a book with your kids. Volunteer your time for someone less fortunate. Eat a piece of chocolate. Pray. Visualize your dream vacation.
Then remember the story of the poor farmer who lost his crops to a drought, battled disease in his cattle, and watched his barn go up in flames after being hit by lightning. Somehow, he maintained his pleasant disposition and sense of humor. How did he stand it?.
“Well, it’s like this,” the farmer said. “In the Bible, it says, ‘It came to pass.’ But it never says ‘It came to stay.’”
Mackay’s Moral: Your biggest worry should be that you are worrying too much.
Harvey Mackay is president of Mackay Envelope Corp. and a nationally syndicated columnist.
