“Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life” by Mark Goulston (AMACOM, $18.95).You’ve met the bully, the manipulator, the victim, the know-it-all, the backstabber, the whiner, the gossiper, etc. Dealing with these personalities can drive you crazy — unless you employ Goulston’s methods for dealing with them. Here […]
“Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life” by Mark Goulston (AMACOM, $18.95).
You've met the bully, the manipulator, the victim, the know-it-all, the backstabber, the whiner, the gossiper, etc. Dealing with these personalities can drive you crazy — unless you employ Goulston's methods for dealing with them. Here are a few:
1. “Keep your own crazy at bay when you're under attack.” Becoming defensive only adds fuel to their fire. They win; you lose. Pausing before you respond calms your emotions and provides a moment to frame a response. By maintaining your poise, you disarm the crazy — yours and theirs.
2. “The belly roll.” Don't attempt to take charge of the conversation. Instead, rollover and let the irrational person lead the conversation. Sounds counterintuitive; it's not. “Increasing the person's power lessens his need to act out.” If the person sees you as non-threatening, the attack stops and real conversation starts.
3. “Time travel.” You can't change their past or yours. The future beckons. Simply asking “What do you want me to do or not do?” starts a conversation. As it progresses, weave your expectation for her/him into it.
4. The “butter up” works well with know-it-alls. Identify the areas where the person excels and play to them. Guide the conversation to how the person could grow those skills. By seeing you as a mentor, the person may be open to taking your advice.
The Bottom Line: Learn to manage the crazies in your life, or they'll manage you.
