A fundamental predictor of success in leadership, sales or any aspect of business is the ability to communicate effectively.
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A fundamental predictor of success in leadership, sales or any aspect of business is the ability to communicate effectively. If you cannot communicate effectively, the ability to lead an organization, motivate a team, collaborate with a co-worker, or sell something to a customer is greatly diminished.
In order to master communication skills, one needs to understand that it's not so much about what you say, it's about how you say it. Mastery is more a function of process, not content.
Consider this simple phrase: “I don't understand you.” How one says the phrase impacts effective communication so much more than the content of the phrase. For example, it can be delivered angrily, sarcastically, resignedly, empathetically or as a genuine inquiry. How the phrase is delivered directly impacts how the other person receives it.
And that is the essence of effective communication — aligning intent with effect. If my intent in saying “I don't understand you,” is to elicit further explanation, but I'm frustrated and deliver the phrase in an impatient and sarcastic tone, I doubt I'll get much more information. The effect of my impatience and sarcasm will be the other person shutting down and reacting defensively.
Think about a first-time sales call. There's little time to start to form a successful relationship. Most sales training emphasizes connecting with the other person as quickly as possible. From there, understand their needs, their situation and what they are trying to accomplish.
Understanding needs is a matter of asking questions: How do you … ? What's your process for … ? Are you able to … ? What keeps you up at night? The intent behind these questions is to understand the customer. Learn all you can in order to determine the likelihood of a good fit.
If the salesperson is genuine and authentic (e.g., they care about the customer more than making the sale) then the customer may share the needed information. However, we all know when we are being sold to, and when we detect someone selling we naturally put up defenses. Part of the defense is to not offer information.
At this moment, masterful communicators remain aware not only of the content of a conversation, but also the process. If things aren't going well, the master is able to invoke another process that will help move things along.
This discernment of the difference between process and content is the foundation of ensuring alignment of intent and effect. Shifting process gets things on track — even more effective then adding new content. And when things are going well, the simple act of being aware of the process will make things even better.
Process is the series of steps in an interaction. It's the context of what's happening: who's offering ideas, who's responding, who's adding new ideas, who's rejecting, how the mood and tone are playing out, etc.
A sampling of some process tools include:
• Paraphrasing — to clarify mutual understanding;
• Best current thinking — to invite fresh thinking;
• Savvy questions — to connect and get to know someone;
• Savvy listening — to make it easy for someone to talk about themselves;
• Credit-acknowledge — to acknowledge someone's contribution to your thinking;
• What's behind (questions or thinking)- to clarify intention in questions and ideas.
In a first-time sales call you might use best current thinking to open a conversation. Your listening mode might be to absorb and learn as opposed to immediately listening to find solutions. As the customer shares information, paraphrasing and what's behind will help ensure alignment of intent and effect by bringing clarity to the discussion.
Discerning process takes some practice, but it is well worth it. A whole new level of communication insights opens up to you. Your ability to connect and build relationships strengthens.
Ken Cook is the co-founder of How to Who and co-author of How to WHO: Selling Personified, a book and program on building business through relationships. Learn more at www.howtowho.com.
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