“A Winner’s Guide to Negotiating: How Conversations Get Deals Done” by Molly Fletcher (McGraw-Hill, $18).
As a sports and entertainment agent, who worked on $500 million in deals over two decades, Fletcher experienced the good and bad sides of negotiating tactics. She sees successful negotiation as a five-step process:
1. “Setting the stage” — Practice “360-degree awareness” by doing your homework. That starts with knowing why (yours and theirs) because why provides clarity of expectations. It provides a baseline for identifying things both sides value — including trust and respect.
Awareness also involves knowing the marketplace. People have other choices. Do your market research. Look at your competition’s website; pay attention to their social media presence. Look at what’s said about them in the news. If you lost deals to them, try to find out why.
2. “Finding common ground” — Fletcher introduces the “Favor Column” as a way to show your likability. Like network-building, it operates on the premise that people like people who help them and add value. Simply providing the other party information you believe would be of interest to them shows that you are interested in them. It provides cues about what it’s like to do business with you.
When there are disconnects during negotiation, “respond with curiosity and openness — never defensiveness.” When you become defensive, emotion and personality promptly take their seats at the bargaining table — that’s not good. Instead, ask questions that drive to their why; you have to understand their problem before you address it.
3. “Asking with confidence” — Ask for what you want, “not what you think you can get or what the other side won’t mind giving you.” Your ask should always touch on its importance to their why. Never ask by offering one choice; saying “I can do X, Y or Z and this is what each scenario means and requires.”
By offering choices, the other party doesn’t feel like he/she could lose control and face by agreeing or disagreeing. It also signals that you’re open to creative problem-solving because you’ve put more things to consider on the table. Choices give the conversation new impetus.
Ask in person, rather than by phone or email. Face time builds better relationships because people can pick up on things like smiles and other non-verbal cues.
4. “Embracing the pause” — Master the art of quiet. When asking questions, give others the time to collect their thoughts, while at the same time thinking about how you’ll respond. Listen when they’re talking. Don’t interrupt; when you do, it shows a lack of respect. The more they talk, the more insight you’ll gain about their why, and the way they do business. Both are valuable to understanding how to build the relationship, and keep the negotiation moving forward.
Dial back the urgency to respond immediately after they’ve finished. A pause works to your advantage because it shows that you’re thinking about what they’ve said. It creates anticipation.
5. “Knowing when to leave” — As Kenny Rogers’ song “The Gambler” reminds us “know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,” you have to know what your limits are. “Ultimately, negotiation is the pursuit of change, and every step before the close of a deal involves the careful consideration of what that change will look like.”
Fletcher advises always keeping your why in mind because it focuses on reason, not emotion. Take time to assess the repercussions of not satisfying your why. Even if you leave the table, you’ve learned from the experience. Keep your “Favors Column” active; you never know when situations may change.
Key takeaway: Use gap-closing conversations to establish the common ground needed to solve problems.
Jim Pawlak is a nationally syndicated book reviewer.
