“It’s Not Just Who You Know” by Tommy Spaulding, Broadway Books, $23.
Spaulding, former president and CEO of Up With People, thinks “five-story building” when developing relationships. Within his five-story model, he also distinguishes between networking and “netgiving.” The difference: Networking puts personal gain first. Netgiving builds help-them-succeed-first relationships.
The model: First Floor — Meet and greet. Exchange business cards. “If people aren’t essential to our jobs or daily lives, we don’t make an effort to get to know them better.” The First Floor becomes filled with quickly-forgotten smiles and handshakes.
Second Floor — Exchange basic information out of social obligation or your job’s requirement. On a personal level, these contacts seldom move beyond small talk (e.g. what’s up, news, weather, sports, etc.). The things that drive and challenge aren’t part of the conversations. They’re acquaintances whom we would never depend upon for help.
At work, Spaulding identifies “positional authority” (interaction because the job requires it) as the basis for most working relationships. When the job is done, or one or the other move on, the “relationship” descends to the First Floor.
Third Floor — “People develop an emotional comfort level that goes beyond facts and information.” We feel safe enough to voice opinions, discuss perspectives and share feelings. Most business relationships reside on this floor because decisions require assessing opinions and perspectives.
Once this sharing begins, we learn more about the people-side of colleagues: they’re no longer just coworkers. “Relational authority,” evidenced by trust and respect, comes into play, too. We maintain contact regardless of where they are because we know we can count on them. Netgiving begins because caring comes with sharing.
Fourth Floor — There’s real, same-page connection that allows for conflict and resolution with no hard feelings. Friends to the end talk about what’s important to them and aren’t afraid to discuss private matters. Netgiving ratchets up a notch because the friends support each other.
Fifth Floor — Penthouse dwellers “literally ‘feel’ another person’s state of mind.” They become confidants, advisers and cheerleaders who understand each other’s needs and drives. While typically reserved for a few, Spaulding believes there’s room for at least a dozen. You just have to invest the time to move people up to the Fourth and Fifth Floors.
On Floor 1 and 2, the people are actors playing a role; on Floors 3-5, they play themselves.
“It’s Okay to Manage Your Boss: Refuse to be Undermanaged” by Bruce Tulgan, Jossey-Bass, $23.95.
People often complain about micromanagers — the bosses that won’t let them do what they were hired to do. Unfortunately, the only thing they can do to manage a micromanager is to over-communicate. They complain just as much about managers that don’t manage — the bosses that don’t provide clarity of tasks and goals. For them, Tulgan offers “quit complaining, do something” advice:
Start by “bringing your best self to work every day.” Define yourself as the problem solver, not a complainer. Why? Self-defense. Problem solvers look for solutions to their situations and their work. Time spent on “woe is me” limits productivity and induces stress.
Next, ask: “Who is this boss at work?” Think in terms of personality, position and management style (especially communication). Your answer helps you mesh your goals with what you need from your boss. Complete the following “Do I need” questions: Clarified expectations? More concrete priorities? Instruction about specific tasks and available resources? Feedback? More information about the boss’s priorities?
Tulgan does a great job in fleshing out the homework needed to answer these questions.
Your answers provide the topics for discussion. How, when and where you approach the boss, depends on her/his personality and style. And always remember, you don’t want to come across as a complainer.
Tulgan’s free, 3-4 minute video newsletter at rainmakerthinking.com makes a great tone-setter for your workweek. There’s also an archive.
Jim Pawlak is a nationally syndicated book reviewer.
